When I was a little girl, I was ashamed that my Aunt Thelma could bite into an ice cream cone with her front teeth and I couldn't because the cold of the ice cream hurt too much. My aunt would egg me on and mock me when I couldn't bite the ice cream, but I kept trying so as not to be shamed. To this day I am able to bite into an ice cream cone without the cold hurting me.
When I was grown up, telling that story in a family gathering, my mother told me that Aunt Thelma had had all her top teeth pulled when she was in her twenties. She had false teeth. That was why she could bite into an ice cream cone without feeling the cold.
Only today have I understood the implications of that story of my aunt's pulled teeth, an understanding beyond how I had experienced my aunt as a pretty horrible tease all my life. The real point came to me when I reminded myself that I had my mother's mouth, a mouth given to incurable gum disease. This morning I realized the truth: I'm lucky to have as many of my own teeth as I have. My aunt wasn't so lucky.
I'm one of the "lucky" people who has had all four of her wisdom teeth and none of them impacted. Yesterday I had two upper right back molars extracted - the wisdom tooth and the molar next to it. They were healthy teeth. They had to come out because they were loose and "not doing you any good". They were loose because I have bone loss caused by gum disease. They were a loss because I had already, over the years, had the three matching lower right molars extracted over time and those two upper molars had nothing with which to occlude, which compounded the effect of the gum disease.
I have gum disease in spite of thirty years of meticulous home care of my teeth and gums. I inherited my mother's and aunt's "tenacious calculus" (not to be confused with tenacious integral calculus!). I have extremely fine, grainy, extra sticky calculus, a bacteria which accumulates as plague under the gum line and attacks the bone in which the teeth are afixed.
But in addition to inheriting a type of calculus, I didn't have regular dental care until I was thirty years old. And this, again, goes back to my family life.
We never had a lot of money. I wore hand-me-downs, which is hard when you're the only girl and the oldest in the family. It means my hand-me-downs came in a big cardboard box from people I didn't know. Dental and health care were for emergencies. I went to the dentist only when I had a cavity, which means I didn't go often. When I was a teenager, I had my first extraction, a molar on the lower left. The dentist was evil. He scared me. The day he extracted my tooth, he turned to me after I had opened my eyes and held the tooth in front of me and said, "Someone's going to make a lot of money off your mouth one of these days!" I never went back.
Finally, plaque build-up that, combined with smoking, made my lower teeth look rotted, inspired a friend to have the courage to take me to her dentist. There I began thirty years of faithful attendance of oral care alternating between the dentist and the periodontist. I hated it, but I did it, and my home care was and still is faithful and meticulous, even when I go camping! (And people were surprised to see my lower teeth were fine!)
But then, both the periodontist and the dentist retired in the same month. It was more than I could bear to try out the perio's replacement and find a new dentist. So for six years I didn't go to a dentist or a perio. Moving from church to church was only an excuse for why I had not found new oral care professionals. The truth was I was afraid of trying. I was afraid of getting another monster.
So, yesterday I faced the pointless shame of having two otherwise healthy teeth extracted. Make no mistake: I feel shame for having had to have these teeth extracted. And there's no point to the shame. It's an inherited shame. Like my mouth, like the attitude toward dentistry, my shame has roots in my past: only poor, uneducated people have teeth extracted. It's a sign of being beneath the good people.
I am a priest in the Episcopal Church. I have had a total of six extractions over the years. My lower teeth are shifting leaving a couple of gaps. I feel ashamed of my smile.
But I smile anyway. I'm known, in part, for my smile. No one has ever said to me, "You low class person, go away from us!" The shame I feel is pointless. I write, therefore, in part to exorcise that shame demon, but more to encourage others.
Shame is pointless. It just sits there, eating at you. Remorse for deeds done or left undone is an action for right and good. Shame and embarrassment are debilitating. I intend to keep smiling and not worry whether or not people can now see that there is a big gap in the back of my smile. I'll smile as a sign and symbol for anyone else who feels this pointless shame, and as an example for those who may be lucky enough to have a perfect smile, for mine is as perfect as anyone else's because it's mine.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
This and That
It's Monday 20 July 2009 and there's so much to report.
First, I started online Spanish lessons through the Tell Me More program through my local library. If I take the class at the library, I can use Rosetta Stone. Both are free to cardholders of the library, of which I am one. Muy bien!
On Friday, I went to the Transfer Station (the dump) to get one of those blue plastic tubs to put my recycling in. An English speaking person waited on me, but a Latino got the tub for me, so when I took it from him I said, "Gracias" and he replied in Spanish, "De nada"! I can't tell you how much that tiny exchange thrilled me. He didn't condescend to answer in English; he answered en Espanol, as if I deserved it. I am encouraged to learn more than ever from that little moment.
Second, I have discovered the web site of St. John's Center for Spiritual Formation the importance of which is in one of the dreams of the Mission Congregation of Grace Episcopal Church to become a center for Christian spiritual formation! St. John's is an interfaith meditation center. It's not a big stretch to go interfaith with the MG's dream. I love the daily sittings - 2o minutes of silent sitting, 5 minutes of walking meditation, another 20 minutes of sitting, from 7;30-8:15 a.m. Monday through Friday and 9-9:45 a.m. Saturdays and major holidays. That's something we can start right away!
Interested? Let me know.
Third, by sometime in September, if the weather and the use of the church parking lot cooperate, there will be a prayer labyrinth painted on the parking lot of Grace Episcopal Church in Norwalk. Another dream come true, and another step toward that spiritual formation center dream. The path will be wide enough for wheelchairs and walkers, which will mean a pretty big labyrinth, hence the parking lot, and also lots less expensive than other ways of laying out a labyrinth. I am so grateful to the people at Grace who are going to make this dream come true.
Fourth, there will be a "Street Mass" on the last Sunday of every month, from September through December (with a Thanksgiving Sunday picnic after the November service, and I hope we come up with a wonderful way to make Christmas possible for people who live on the street at the December service). That gives us time to get police, neighbors, bag lunch volunteers, other churches, and things we haven't thought of yet in place, so we can go weekly in the new year. We'll hold the services in the parking lot, on the labyrinth, so it's on our property, and in the path of lots of foot traffic every day of the week including Sunday.
I want to thank the dreamers at Grace, and elsewhere, who are making these things possible. There are other things in the works, but you will have to wait awhile on those.
Thank you to all of you, also, who have kept Grace Church in your prayers, and who have been praying faithfully the prayer, "What is God calling us to do in this place?". What, indeed. All these ideas came about since we started praying that prayer. If you put yourself in the way of the Holy Spirit's path, with the intent to serve the world through Her, She answers, and not in some half-measured way, but abundantly, in a pouring over, rushing rivers way. Thanks be to God.
So, if you come to Grace, and see from 25 (in the summer) to 50 people in the pews, and that tempts you to give Grace a miss, don't. There are lots of things coming to birth at Grace and I want you to be part of them.
And if Sunday worship is not your thing, try the Mission Congregation, on the second Saturday of each month, resuming on September 12 at 1:00 p.m. after a brief summer break. You will be treated to 2 hours of Bible study, free discussion, dreaming, planning for the dreams, and sharing of the Bread and Wine of Holy Communion.
I hope to see you at worship soon. May the God of Peace bless and keep you always.
First, I started online Spanish lessons through the Tell Me More program through my local library. If I take the class at the library, I can use Rosetta Stone. Both are free to cardholders of the library, of which I am one. Muy bien!
On Friday, I went to the Transfer Station (the dump) to get one of those blue plastic tubs to put my recycling in. An English speaking person waited on me, but a Latino got the tub for me, so when I took it from him I said, "Gracias" and he replied in Spanish, "De nada"! I can't tell you how much that tiny exchange thrilled me. He didn't condescend to answer in English; he answered en Espanol, as if I deserved it. I am encouraged to learn more than ever from that little moment.
Second, I have discovered the web site of St. John's Center for Spiritual Formation the importance of which is in one of the dreams of the Mission Congregation of Grace Episcopal Church to become a center for Christian spiritual formation! St. John's is an interfaith meditation center. It's not a big stretch to go interfaith with the MG's dream. I love the daily sittings - 2o minutes of silent sitting, 5 minutes of walking meditation, another 20 minutes of sitting, from 7;30-8:15 a.m. Monday through Friday and 9-9:45 a.m. Saturdays and major holidays. That's something we can start right away!
Interested? Let me know.
Third, by sometime in September, if the weather and the use of the church parking lot cooperate, there will be a prayer labyrinth painted on the parking lot of Grace Episcopal Church in Norwalk. Another dream come true, and another step toward that spiritual formation center dream. The path will be wide enough for wheelchairs and walkers, which will mean a pretty big labyrinth, hence the parking lot, and also lots less expensive than other ways of laying out a labyrinth. I am so grateful to the people at Grace who are going to make this dream come true.
Fourth, there will be a "Street Mass" on the last Sunday of every month, from September through December (with a Thanksgiving Sunday picnic after the November service, and I hope we come up with a wonderful way to make Christmas possible for people who live on the street at the December service). That gives us time to get police, neighbors, bag lunch volunteers, other churches, and things we haven't thought of yet in place, so we can go weekly in the new year. We'll hold the services in the parking lot, on the labyrinth, so it's on our property, and in the path of lots of foot traffic every day of the week including Sunday.
I want to thank the dreamers at Grace, and elsewhere, who are making these things possible. There are other things in the works, but you will have to wait awhile on those.
Thank you to all of you, also, who have kept Grace Church in your prayers, and who have been praying faithfully the prayer, "What is God calling us to do in this place?". What, indeed. All these ideas came about since we started praying that prayer. If you put yourself in the way of the Holy Spirit's path, with the intent to serve the world through Her, She answers, and not in some half-measured way, but abundantly, in a pouring over, rushing rivers way. Thanks be to God.
So, if you come to Grace, and see from 25 (in the summer) to 50 people in the pews, and that tempts you to give Grace a miss, don't. There are lots of things coming to birth at Grace and I want you to be part of them.
And if Sunday worship is not your thing, try the Mission Congregation, on the second Saturday of each month, resuming on September 12 at 1:00 p.m. after a brief summer break. You will be treated to 2 hours of Bible study, free discussion, dreaming, planning for the dreams, and sharing of the Bread and Wine of Holy Communion.
I hope to see you at worship soon. May the God of Peace bless and keep you always.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Chaplain to Children
I'm off today, Sunday July 5, to camp to become chaplain to children age 7 to 12 years. This is going back to my roots in ministry. My first call was to the Cathedral Church of St. John in Wilmington, Delaware, where, as minister of children's spiritual formation, spiritual resource for the children's choir school and program director of the Debnam House community center for elementary school age children, I was, overall, chaplain to the children of the cathedral and Brandywine Village.
I loved it. I have tried to carry this love into primary pastor ministry. It was why I was called to most of the places I have served.
It's an odd thing: work with children almost always is deputed to assisting clergy who may or may not have any gift or calling to it, or, if lucky, to lay people who do have a calling. I have noticed that is beneath the call to rector or primary pastor/clergy. The adults expect the top man or woman to tend to them, while finding other people to work with their children. Oddly, at the same time, every profile I read for rector/primary clergyperson includes some primary reference to building up the Sunday School numbers and developing a youth program.
Well, this week, for one week, I don't have to worry about any of this "who is called to what" business. I'm off to Camp Washington until Friday, and I can hardly wait.
I'll be out of touch. But I know all of you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves and one another. It's the children who need a priest and for six days I get to fulfill that call.
Peace to you all.
I loved it. I have tried to carry this love into primary pastor ministry. It was why I was called to most of the places I have served.
It's an odd thing: work with children almost always is deputed to assisting clergy who may or may not have any gift or calling to it, or, if lucky, to lay people who do have a calling. I have noticed that is beneath the call to rector or primary pastor/clergy. The adults expect the top man or woman to tend to them, while finding other people to work with their children. Oddly, at the same time, every profile I read for rector/primary clergyperson includes some primary reference to building up the Sunday School numbers and developing a youth program.
Well, this week, for one week, I don't have to worry about any of this "who is called to what" business. I'm off to Camp Washington until Friday, and I can hardly wait.
I'll be out of touch. But I know all of you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves and one another. It's the children who need a priest and for six days I get to fulfill that call.
Peace to you all.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The week that was
Wow. The move from one house to another, about three miles apart, took the entire week.
And it 's not done yet! You should see the previous house - thank God Newlin is going to take care of that bit, with a little help from the kid next door who's home from college. I can deal with an orderly progression of packing up things in a room. I can't deal with there still being bits and bobs left behind - the mirror that goes on top of my dresser, all the clothes in the closets, a box of sewing threads ( ! ), a bag of knitting. Let someone else throw it all in a big box and move it out.
Of course, the actual physical move - loading up the car on Wednesday, having the movers move the furniture on Thursday - had to take place in those two days because Beloved Partner was on a photo shoot from the weekend until Wednesday, and then left at 3 in the morning Friday to go on another. He's coming home early, though, tonight. So that's good.
And of course, there was the exhaustion of a brilliant, enthusiastic, and depleting meeting on Wednesday night that ran late, the wedding rehearsal on Thursday night (I swear, I ran them through it in 20 minutes, and then they changed it all at the end and that was fine.), then the wedding on Friday afternoon, followed by the reception (I really shouldn't to go those, I know), the healing service this morning (thank God - there was a woman drop in who really needed it), and tomorrow a major parish meeting with the bishop.
so, a nice, relaxing, low key week.
Next week all I have on my calendar is three physical therapy appointments and one oncologist follow up.
Now, why am I writing to you about all this boring, personal life stuff? Because who else is going to listen! That's why.
I'm on orders not to do any work today. But of course I just have to shift some more of these books into bookcases...
aren't you glad I took a break to write?! Cheers, all.
And it 's not done yet! You should see the previous house - thank God Newlin is going to take care of that bit, with a little help from the kid next door who's home from college. I can deal with an orderly progression of packing up things in a room. I can't deal with there still being bits and bobs left behind - the mirror that goes on top of my dresser, all the clothes in the closets, a box of sewing threads ( ! ), a bag of knitting. Let someone else throw it all in a big box and move it out.
Of course, the actual physical move - loading up the car on Wednesday, having the movers move the furniture on Thursday - had to take place in those two days because Beloved Partner was on a photo shoot from the weekend until Wednesday, and then left at 3 in the morning Friday to go on another. He's coming home early, though, tonight. So that's good.
And of course, there was the exhaustion of a brilliant, enthusiastic, and depleting meeting on Wednesday night that ran late, the wedding rehearsal on Thursday night (I swear, I ran them through it in 20 minutes, and then they changed it all at the end and that was fine.), then the wedding on Friday afternoon, followed by the reception (I really shouldn't to go those, I know), the healing service this morning (thank God - there was a woman drop in who really needed it), and tomorrow a major parish meeting with the bishop.
so, a nice, relaxing, low key week.
Next week all I have on my calendar is three physical therapy appointments and one oncologist follow up.
Now, why am I writing to you about all this boring, personal life stuff? Because who else is going to listen! That's why.
I'm on orders not to do any work today. But of course I just have to shift some more of these books into bookcases...
aren't you glad I took a break to write?! Cheers, all.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Networks
I am now on Twitter, Facebook and Anglimergent. All this is very exhausting, because anything to do with the computer has a steep learning curve for me. However, I have already connected with a bunch of folks from my past, not only my present, which is cool.
Now we are moving house tomorrow and Thursday, plus I have a wedding rehearsal and wedding Thursday and Friday, and a big meeting coming up with the bishop on Sunday evening - four hours with dinner. So I'll be taking a break from the computer until Monday-ish.
Peach to you all; God's Peace be with you.
Now we are moving house tomorrow and Thursday, plus I have a wedding rehearsal and wedding Thursday and Friday, and a big meeting coming up with the bishop on Sunday evening - four hours with dinner. So I'll be taking a break from the computer until Monday-ish.
Peach to you all; God's Peace be with you.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Tweeting
Okay, so I just signed on to twitter. Now what? To search for friends who may be on twitter, they use my address book. Nobody in my address book is on twitter, but a bunch of stars and news services are. I checked two news services and one charity. Couldn't care less about the stars.
I tried a few things, and I've figured out, I think, that unless you are in my address book, or unless you give me your tweet username, I can't find you.
I posted two tweets ( ? ). I guess I'll wait and see if anyone sends me anything.
My username is (I think) http://twitter.com/rambleingrose
Please note the " e " between the l and i is necessary to the address!
But, then, all you have to do is click on, don't you? Oh I am so lame!
I tried a few things, and I've figured out, I think, that unless you are in my address book, or unless you give me your tweet username, I can't find you.
I posted two tweets ( ? ). I guess I'll wait and see if anyone sends me anything.
My username is (I think) http://twitter.com/rambleingrose
Please note the " e " between the l and i is necessary to the address!
But, then, all you have to do is click on, don't you? Oh I am so lame!
The Boon of the New Communications Technology
I'm considering Facebook or Twitter. The boon of communications technology to oppressed people who have cell phones has become apparent this week. Iran would have suppressed all the reports of the controversy surrounding the elections but they couldn't. The reports came out of that country via computer and cell phone technology - photos, videos, blogs, Facebook, Twitter... The ability of these forms of communication to reach many people at one time, and at the same time connect them with one another, astounds me. I want to be part of it.
I also value a life wherein I am not switched on 24/7/365. I have a cell phone. I do not turn it on except to make calls out. I do not give out the number because I don't receive calls on that phone. I take pastoral interviews in a parlor in the church instead of my office, much of the time, because the ringing phone is a distraction. I don't answer it. I let it ring. So why even be in the same room with it when someone comes to me to talk?
I don't post often on this blog. I don't often have anything I deem worth saying. Alternatively, even when I do have something I'd like to write about, I'm loathe to take the time away from the things that keep me face to face with people.
I may have to, or be able to, switch my brain to an understanding that virtual community may work just as well as face to face, or at least works well in this current world where community is global. After all, I frequent a blog which has become community and even church for me and its denizens. Is it so great a leap to Facebook or Twitter ( and Twitter has been recommended to me over Facebook)?
But my lack of use of this blog, my desire not to be switched on all the time, not to be checking my cell phone in the middle of meetings and one on one conversations to see if it's a caller worth interrupting what I'm doing, failing to check this blog's dashboard more than twice a day to see if anyone left a message to be moderated - all these tell me that I may be just as irrelevant with a Twitter account, or whatever you call it, as I am without one.
I still have a basic cell phone, with no computer access on it. I don't have a blackberry. And my watch has Minnie Mouse on the face, with her big, white-gloved hands pointing to the hour and minute.
I don't know. If I could be assured that people who try to communicate with me on Twitter would be just fine if they didn't hear back from me for hours, I'd feel better about getting a new phone, or something that would make me a little more available.
After all, I can always turn it off.
N.B. I am taking this blog off moderated comments again. Let's see how we do.
I also value a life wherein I am not switched on 24/7/365. I have a cell phone. I do not turn it on except to make calls out. I do not give out the number because I don't receive calls on that phone. I take pastoral interviews in a parlor in the church instead of my office, much of the time, because the ringing phone is a distraction. I don't answer it. I let it ring. So why even be in the same room with it when someone comes to me to talk?
I don't post often on this blog. I don't often have anything I deem worth saying. Alternatively, even when I do have something I'd like to write about, I'm loathe to take the time away from the things that keep me face to face with people.
I may have to, or be able to, switch my brain to an understanding that virtual community may work just as well as face to face, or at least works well in this current world where community is global. After all, I frequent a blog which has become community and even church for me and its denizens. Is it so great a leap to Facebook or Twitter ( and Twitter has been recommended to me over Facebook)?
But my lack of use of this blog, my desire not to be switched on all the time, not to be checking my cell phone in the middle of meetings and one on one conversations to see if it's a caller worth interrupting what I'm doing, failing to check this blog's dashboard more than twice a day to see if anyone left a message to be moderated - all these tell me that I may be just as irrelevant with a Twitter account, or whatever you call it, as I am without one.
I still have a basic cell phone, with no computer access on it. I don't have a blackberry. And my watch has Minnie Mouse on the face, with her big, white-gloved hands pointing to the hour and minute.
I don't know. If I could be assured that people who try to communicate with me on Twitter would be just fine if they didn't hear back from me for hours, I'd feel better about getting a new phone, or something that would make me a little more available.
After all, I can always turn it off.
N.B. I am taking this blog off moderated comments again. Let's see how we do.
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